If you’re a mom you’re gonna really get this post, if you know a mom who has a new kid, maybe you’ll understand them a little bit better. The different kind of tough stuff. The baby pooping like an adult now, screaming high pitch but making eye contact like a little mini devil baby, the looks from people when your baby is trying to rip your shirt off for some boob and ends up flashing your nipple for everyone to see (you’re welcome old man at target), the throwing food when they’re done eating tantrums and the tantrums because they want more of the food they just threw, the falling and scream crying even though they caught themselves, telling our babies no and them all of a sudden understanding us and throwing another fit. So much tough stuff you guys, I could go on and on and honestly I just might. Seriously, half of the toughest part of raising a child are other people. Oh, my baby needs to eat more food, random 100lb old lady at Vons? AND she needs to be wearing socks?! Thanks so much for helping me. Wow. What would I do without you. I’m learning to just smile and walk away but sometimes just sometimes a sneaky little finger might pop out on accident as I walk away. I think that’s just a reflex though. Right? Also, if a child is throwing a fit and you think that staring, even with sympathy, is helping, it’s not. Look the F away. We don’t want you creepily staring in the first place so mix a tantrum into that in PUBLIC and we will take all of our anger out on the adults staring at us. My daughter screams LOUD, and trust me judgmental group of staring B…eauties, I can scream louder. Luckily, there’s more nice people out there than there are crappy people believe it or not. People are so quick to jump up and help a struggling mother, I haven’t had that yet though because I’m pretty sure my eyes turn dark red and I grow horns the instant stuff goes wrong in public. Enough about strangers, I really do ignore them now. Let’s talk about the toughest of all – Ashtyn. For real, home girl is tough as shit, you guys. That high pitch scream that she does is so freaking scary and she looks me in the eyes and hypnotizes me and I give her whatever she wants because I’m pretty sure she’s trying to take my soul. She knows exactly what she’s doing which is even scarier. She also really does poop like an adult. So now I change this adult smelling diaper on this tiny human all while trying not to throw up while she is literally fighting me – kicking, scratching and rolling around to get away from me, and if I’m lucky she’ll sneak her hand around and grab some poo to through at me too, and that’s only on a good day. It’s almost impressive really, she’s so sneaky. She’s at that age (12 months) where she needs to get off the boob. She freaking stands up to eat half of the time and I have to just try to ignore it’s happening because it’s so weird. When she gets hungry she only pulls my shirt open in public. I think she has this fun little routine she enjoys doing. She screams to get attention from anyone she can, reaches down my shirt and pinches me in the perfect spot to where I have to react because it hurts so damn bad, then, the finale, she somehow knows how to pop my nipple right out as we’re wrestling and show everyone who’s already staring, most people look away right when that happens but then get this, the little angel baby LAUGHS AFTER. She laughs you guys. LAUGHS. Why does she do this?! I’m half so proud and half almost willing to put her up on eBay, but that feeling goes away pretty fast. For those of you who forgot you’re on SARCASTIC moms, I’m joking. I wouldn’t ever think to get rid of my kid. I’m obsessed with her, obviously.
*** this was supposed to post TWO months ago and it didn’t! One year update coming soon!***