The Tough Stuff

I’m not writing about anything funny today, Sorry! I’m writing about the things no one likes to talk about – miscarriages. More than half of us know this all too well and majority of people won’t even talk about it! I guarantee if you ask a woman if she’s experienced one her answer will be yes. It’s a sad truth but talking about it is the best way to cope if you need too! It’s completely normal to go through one! Some women have miscarriages without even knowing and will think it was just her menstrual cycle believe it or not. It makes total sense – your body all of a sudden has to take care of this growing human inside of you and sometimes, it just can’t keep up. Always take care of your body if you are trying to grow another body inside of you, I’m not saying this will avoid a miscarriage but you will definitely feel better during pregnancy with a strong body! I believe it’s all Gods will and his timing, and that brought me comfort when I experienced mine. My hubby and I got pregnant literally as fast as we could – on  our wedding night. No joke. We announced it (way too early) and we were so excited! Since the day he proposed to me all we could think about was our own kids we would have. Of course at that time you don’t think of everything that comes with babies like trying to have a baby, and actually having the baby. You just think of a cute baby and a little fairytale life. Shortly after we got married and announced we were pregnant, and shortly as in within a month, we decided to move to TN with family, the day after we got to our new home in TN we were walking around Bass Pro Shops and I felt the worst stomach pain of my life! It was intense and I immediately knew what was happening, but I stayed calm and we just went home to relax. By the time I got home it was clear what was happening, I won’t go into detail. We went to the ER the next day and the nurses were impressed I already knew I was pregnant! I was in fact miscarrying but the baby had stopped growing at 5 weeks, it was my hormones that strung me along for so long. Usually at 5 weeks is when someone finds out they’re pregnant but I pretty much took a pregnancy test at the perfect time for my body to show I was pregnant. If I never took any tests I would have thought I was just having a rough cycle, even though I was sick the entire time up until my miscarriage. Did I mention I was in the ER on our anniversary? It’s all so crazy. So, after I cried a little, felt angry, and tried to boost myself up, I realized that God definitely knew what he was doing (freaking DUH).  Jimmy and I had the best time being YOUNG and having fun for a solid year in a new place before we (accidentally) got pregnant with Ashtyn. Within a week of my miscarriage I was emotionally comfortable and not sad or depressed, I was actually thankful! I get to spend time with my new husband before a baby now. Maybe this is what was best for my brand new marriage and moving across the country! I was so happy. I was almost relieved, and that’s NORMAL! No, I was not happy to have lost a baby, but you have to look at the bright side or you’ll definately turn to a dark side. It’s totally okay to feel relief because pretty much all of pregnancy ( and trying to get pregnant) you are so worried about everything, relief is a normal emotion after worry. Sadness is normal, being depressed is normal, being mad is normal, it’s called being human. I have three friends that I have talked to in a two-day span who are all suffering from a miscarriage right now. It’s hard, emotionally and physically. You’re confused and your hormones are going crazy. The one thing they all said was they feel relief and that they feel so bad for that. DONT feel bad. Don’t. Run with your emotions and don’t fight them at all. Again, it’s normal. They also felt selfish. Why? Because there are people who can’t have babies at all, and while it’s so so good to feel sympathy for others, it’s not your job to beat yourself up about something you’re going through just because someone else is going through something “harder”. Have sympathy and be kind but don’t feel bad for going through what you’re going through just because someone else is going through something “worse”. Everyone is emotionally different, some people hate seeing families and babies because they haven’t yet had their own and some people get motivation from it and love it! Don’t feel bad or shame people for what you’re going through, ever. If looking at babies help you then look at all of the babies! Come cuddle Ashtyn, I know that’s what helped me, seeing people’s happy family posts! If you’re complete opposite then unfollow what you don’t want to see and do whatever works for you! People still don’t realize this, but, you can literally do WHATEVER you want to do. How ever you want to cope or grieve, you can! You want to go to a different place and escape everything – do it, because you’re allowed too! Don’t let social media make you feel bad for what you’re going through because it may offend someone else. If posting about your loss helps, then do it. If people don’t want to see it, they don’t have too. Miscarriage is always uncomfortable and awkward, when I bring mine up I get the sympathy and the sadness until they realize how I deal with it. The best thing is to ASK someone how they want to deal with it and support them, don’t be the awkward friend who wants to just hug them and pretty much feel sad the entire time. Just be supportive and emotionally open to people going through different things. This was in no way “sarcastic” but it was definately needed and I love to be a voice for that! I have people come to me when their pregnancy’s seem to be going towards miscarriage and after miscarriage and I love being that shoulder to lean on. Find the best shoulder for you and do what’s best for YOU. After all, atleast you know you CAN get pregnant! That brought me comfort and hopefully it can bring others comfort too!

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