You know how people say God takes away pain while you’re initially going through it? Like you don’t actually FEEL getting hit by a car until after you’re hit? Birth is the same. You push for so long, or at least I did, eight hours to be exact, and all of a sudden you don’t feel anything and there’s this giant freaky alien baby flying through the air into the nurses arms. It’s so hectic and hard to explain but I can definitely tell you what went through my head, from what I can remember, after birth. For one, pain. Pain was all over and it actually kind of felt like I was hit by a truck for a few days. My husband and I were alone, waiting to be moved into another room and baby girl was in the nursery, and we talked about how we didn’t think we would have such a huge baby that looked like rapper Ice Cube. How is that OUR baby?! We were for sure we were going to have a small petite baby that had small cute features and a button nose, how was this baby so giant? Well, after the swelling went down she lost the giant new baby look and she was exactly what we pictured. So small and petite and adorable. Fast forward to the first night alone as a family of three in the hospital room after all of our visitors left. It goes something like this: Me being in too much pain to move, husband not waking up even after I called his cell phone multiple times to try to wake him up (he was literally next to my bed I just couldn’t reach him),me throwing cutie oranges at him and crying while throwing them because even though I was hitting him in the face with the little fruits he just snored louder. I eventually called the nurse and she thought it was hilarious I threw food at my husband and he didn’t even budge. She clearly never had to throw food at her husband after birth. I asked her for pain pills and also asked her to take my baby so I could sleep. I know. Such a bad mom. I gave my baby away after only having her for twelve hours. It was so worth it. I slept so hard (courtesy of norcos and birth) and my nurse told me she actually took baby girl twice to feed her because I just wouldn’t wake up when she came in the room to check on us. Thank freaking goodness for that lady. My advice is to give your baby away anytime you need a recharge. People like hanging out with little babies. Take advantage. Once they hit four or five years old people are way less excited to help you out and deal with a tiny human that talks. The first day with this baby was probably the easiest. I did drugs. I slept. I Got to take my anger out by crying and chucking oranges at my husbands face, who was half the reason I was in the hospital bed in the first place, and whenever I actually woke up I had this adorable baby staring up at me. I didn’t even have to change diapers. People brought me any food I wanted. Oh the good days. People probably think that the scariest part of having a baby is keeping a tiny human alive and making sure they are okay, but honestly, in the first few days, it’s poop. The thought of possibly having to try to poop is probably the scariest thought in the world. Did I ever think going poop would legitimately terrify me? No. Giving birth isn’t even the worst part, the first day is 100% the worst. Now if I can just focus on keeping her alive and growing into a decent human being I think everything will be okay.