The baby

So, we are skipping right over to the baby, because honestly from finding out I was pregnant up until I had her is a BLUR. So much sleeping, and barfing, and sleeping, and, well, barfing. That’s pretty much all I did for a good four months. The last five months of pregnancy was straight food. Food everywhere. In my purse, hidden in my bed side table, in my car. I would wake up in the middle of the night and eat whatever was near me. It was a great time of my life, I’m not gonna lie. I would go back just for the food,  but having my sweet girl here is pretty awesome. When I hit my due date I was a whole mix of emotions. Mainly sad because now how am I gonna complain about every tiny thing and get away with it? The other emotions are obvious thoughts anyone would have when they’re about to push a bowling ball out of a straw and meet the ultimate love of your life. The day I was due I called my doctor and let him know I wanted her out as soon as we could and he called my bluff and said “okay, see you at the hospital at 10pm tonight”. I was in shock! I think that’s the moment I realized I was about to become a mom. It only took me nine months, what does that say about me? Oh well. We get to the hospital and it turns out my contractions were 4-5 minutes apart AND my water had ruptured. Who am I?! How did I not know?? Anyway, that all means NOTHING because 30 hours later I was still in labor. I took any drugs they offered me and laid in a hospital bed way too anxious to sleep. Finally I got to push this home girl out and it only took like, eight hours. Pretty successful even though they had to vacuum her stubborn self out of me, thanks girl. When I finally got to hold her she didn’t look like either of us, she looked like Ice Cube, the rapper, and here I am laying there, half drugged, trying to figure out how I just had Ice Cubes baby. Within a few hours she looked exactly like my husband and it’s so adorable and so unfair. 7 lbs 6oz and 20.5 inches later and the baby was here. Like for good. They just wheeled us out to the car with out any instruction and were like “ okay! Cute baby! See ya!”. What?! Is this even legal? I just take her home and figure it out? How is this allowed. Turns out it’s totally normal to freak out and everything does work out. You learn as you go and it’s kind of hell, but once you get the hang of it, it’s still hell, just a better hell. Like a hell where they give you ice water. Have babies. But raise them to not be jerks and teach them how to make the world a better place. I think we all need better tiny humans running around.


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